It has been six-teen years now, since I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. It came to me in the night, with sweating and cramps, the summer before high school and my first job were to begin. It was to be my coming of age, and I was to jump into the world head first. It was supposed to be a time of boundless energy and possibility. Yet that humid August night I found a reflection staring back at me wild and wide eyed, consumed by an emotion truly foreign to a twelve year old boy ;, fear.
In the beginning the symptoms were subtle, observed as anti-social by my peers. As I was a gregarious person, popular, never without friends, involved in a variety of recreational activities. Suddenly, I found myself alone and in pain. I was half my size, and strange. I was withdrawn from the world, obtuse and irritable. It was as if I was living in a plastic box where all the outside sounds were muffled, and the images blurred. It was here that my first philosophy was born. I told myself that if I can conquer loneliness, I can do anything.
It was a difficult three years of high school and the part time factory work was physical .; the workers hardened and of a particular breed, did not make it easy. It was a test of endurance, strength, and courage. In these factory walls was where living beyond the bounds of disease took shape. In those austere surroundings the basic life that was in me took over. In that stark landscape I learned what hard work was, I learned how tough life could get. I saw how people could sense your illness and become afraid, whether they’re conscious of it or not. Some people, even those you considered friends, take the opportunity to benefit from your struggle. Looking back I see myself moving, it was as if I stopped my flesh would die, all intelligence was gone, I was living an inward journey.
This recent episode I have had with Crohn's was with me during my greatest accomplishment. It was alive and wild inside my belly at the summit of my boldest dream which was a four-year trip around the world. At my meridian hour I gained a perspective that took me quite by surprise. It seemed I was looking at the world from the wrong angle, I wasn't seeing it at all! At the summit I found clarity. This disease was not working against me like some sort of evil nemesis.
It is a part of me, challenging me, willing me to seek out a deeper purpose. As travel, movement had been my expression of self, compensation for the experience I had missed. Animation and film will be an outlet to share the inner journey I had lived.
In battling this disease I have began to take control of my body. Through diet, exercise, and meditation I am starting the beginning motions of a very complicated revolution. I have begun a blog in the hopes of encouraging understanding of disease and personal health. With my recent success of casting Crohn's back into remission at record speed, I wish to give hope to the silent majority, people living with disease. I wish to share the knowledge I have gained through new media, to show kids who have been recently diagnosed that the disease feeds off of negativity and that by looking at Crohn's from a positive perspective is the first step to a rapid recovery. I hope that by getting people aware of their bodies, their health , they will in turn gain an awareness of the environment, and realize that the two are intimately connected.
In living with Crohn’s I have found that stress opens the door to a flare-up, at least in my case. Traveling, although glorious, and beautiful, can be very stressful. This is what sent my disease into overdrive and had me coming home half-broken and out of tune. This bursary will eliminate that challenge of earning money to live on, and allow me to focus all my attention and energy on this next bold objective ; a university degree in film animation. Growth is life, and I intend to grow with this disease as my ally. Only by accepting it and working with it will I be able reach my maximum potential. In accomplishing this next goal I will be demonstrating to all, especially myself , that with hard work and the right attitude anything is possible, especially your wildest dream.
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